So I'm sitting here, just in tears. I got the most ON-TIME e-mail that I've gotten in my 27.5 years of being on this earth. Our very own Heather Lindsay, or the angel with the beautiful eyes and big heart, sent this e-mail. Here it is:

So I woke up this morning feeling kinda heavy in my spirit. Although I don't depend on my feelings, I can sense worry. I just want to remind all of you that God is your Provider. Regardless of what is going on in your life, GOD HAS NOT FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU! It may seem like you hit a brick wall & that you aren't going anywhere else but God is behind the scenes, working out everything for your good. DO NOT STOP SEEKING HIM! Do not stop living a life of worship towards Him. DO NOT QUIT!! God is weaning you from past attitudes and ways of thinking. Just pour your heart out to God & give Him all of your care. He really, really, really, really cares for you.

And from one sis to another, I am sending you a huge hug to remind you that you're not alone. You have 4,000 other sisters praying for you, supporting you, rooting you on & encouraging you. Stay encouraged sis.

Love you so,

Heather Lindsey

This e-mail immediately sent me to tears I mean like INSTANTLY... it was like wow, God put me, NADIA, on Heather's heart to speak a word. And she gave me a hug. Something else strange happened yesterday too; I met this STRANGER who told me, Nadia God has great things planned for you. I don't know you at all and I can see it all over you. Keep pushing. Don't give up. Obstacles make you stronger. He will never leave or forsake you. He's walking with you. When I looked in his eyes, I felt such peace. It was as if I was looking into Jesus's heart. I know it sounds strange, but it's true. And then Heather sends this email. It's like God is sending me little telegrams everywhere. It's something.

I know no one here really knows my situation. So here it is:

God pulled me from a measly job, measly friends, and a crummy town, and moved me somewhere where I don't know anyone. I was fine..until it sank in that wow. I don't have a job. Wow, I don't know anyone here. Wow, I don't have money. Wow I'm alone. So I kind of rebelled against God. Stopped praying as much. Stopped getting in my word as much. Became double-minded in my thinking. Then still no job. 5 months and no job. One day I just said God I give up. Then people talking about me. Then me not having money to even BUY things a woman needs for herself. Having to ask people for money to do laundry. Then not having money for food and sometimes having to go on involuntary fasts because people's attitude and acting funny.

Then two nights ago, I cried and asked God, What is my purpose for being here? What do You want me to do? Why are You doing this? I just wanted to die you all. I just wanted to crawl somewhere and ask God to take me home. Because the pain. And the brokedness is like wow. It hurts. But then I realized something: this is where God wants me to be in life. He wants me to depend on Him. To trust Him. And He wants Nadia to be GONE. And it's been happening too. When I say God I don't know how I'm goign to eat today, and then BAM! He sends food. Lord I don't know if I can handle this, and BAm! I get strength. Even when He doesn't I know it's a reason. I asked God to teach me more about Him, and He is, slowly, but surely. God has me in the Gospels. I've been in Matthew 1 for about 2 weeks now, studying the geneaology of Jesus Christ. It amazes me how God blessed His people back in the Old Testament. How He was with Abraham. With Jacob. With David. With Daniel. I can go on and on and on.

So I'm learning that it's okay to cry. It's okay to ask God questions. It's okay to be frustrated. it's okay to be human. Something else too: I'm realizing that I'm a fighter. I didn't know I was a fighter until I got into the ring of life and it started giving me blows. Even when I say that I want to give up, strength comes out of nowhere and says here I am. You're NOT giving up. You're going to FIGHT. And you're going to LIVE. And love again. I always thought I was weak, soft. But then I realize (I'm making a lot of realizations I know lol), that God is literally making me a LIVING epistle; His word is coming alive in MY life. And it's awesome and humbling that He would use me like this.

So, here's the song of my life right now. It's called Broken Hallelujah. It's a beautiful song about brokedness in God and praising Him in spite of all that's going on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cH16B5449Iw

Thank you all.

Keep Fighting,

Nadia