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So, here's the thing:
I stopped having sex a year ago. I rededicated my life back to Christ. All was good for a while. But now, it's like the flame that I had? It's a flicker or a spark. Some days I'm up; some days I'm down. I KNOW that I love God. I KNOW that I love Jesus, and that His spirit lives within me.
Why am I finding it so hard to read my word and pray and fast? I was called to be an intercessor, and I KNOW I'm supposed to be praying for others, even before I go to bed at night. And yet I go right to sleep. When I get up in the morning, I get up and don't even ask God what He wants me to do today. I just pray what I think needs to be prayed, and that's it. Then I go about my business. When I see people, God does use me to minister to others.
However, I'm not pleased with my relationship with Christ at this point. I want some excitement. And believe me, it's definitely not on His end; He's sweet, beautiful, kind, meek, gentle, humble, and just loves me and is always there for me.
So why is the fire going down? Why am I afraid to trust God with ALL of me? Is it because I never had a real father figure, or the men that I trusted myself with hurt me, and I feel like why should I trust God, and I can't even see Him? I KNOW that I have a purpose. I am called to be an evangelist and a prayer warrior. I love helping other people. But it's like I've been down and out. I don't know if it's the situation that I'm in (no money, staying with relatives, no job, etc) that I'm basing my joy on or what. But I don't like this feeling.
I want to wake up in the morning saying His name. Go all through the day speaking about Him. You remember what it was like when you first got saved? I want THAT back. I'm tired of going day by day, just living. I want to actually WALK in that abundant life that I KNOW that I have. I want to just say, Jesus here is ALL of it. I want an EXPERIENCE with Him, see His face, His glory manifested in my life, to the point where people will see His glory and anointing on me and say, "woman of God, what must I do to be saved?" I want THAT fire. I LOVE the word, but it's like I want to study what I want to study instead of what God wants me to study.
Has everyone ever experience that? And if so how did you get out of the rut? How did you rekindle the fire that you once lost? And when you get it, how do you KEEP IT? How do you make studying the word exciting? Prayer exciting? I need HELP....
Replies to This Discussion
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Hey!
Sometimes we get a little weary in our well doing...but the Bible tells that we will reap if we faint not. I think your situation reminds me of when you meet a guy for the first time..you're so excited about him, talk to him all night, cant wait to see him, heart beating all the time etc. But after a year or so in the relationship, you get "relaxed" and comfortable. So its not to say that you dont love God, because you do, but after any new relationship...sometimes the hype goes down. So the best advice I would give is to remind yourself of the reasons why you fell in love with God in the first place. Do the things that ignited the fire that you had for him a year ago. OR do something different. Sometimes with relationship they say "spice it up" So do something different. Reach out to Him in ways that you never thought before. Maybe the "usual" way of hanging out with God needs to be revamped...
My best advice would be to think of God as your very best friend/or new guy friend. Depending on where you live.... you can meet God at the beach/rainforest/ or just somewhere different. Join a mission trip/volunteer organization...because sometimes doing things that are different from our normal routine will allow God to speak to you like never before/develop a deep appreciation for life and people. You may experience something new if you get "out of the box" a bit. That may also be the start of igniting that fire that you want.
Then, when you get it, continue to get creative! Its just like a marriage, after 10years or so, you may get bored with your spouse but if you say "honey we have been on a cruise in 5 years..lets do that" And you never know, that cruise will open up a communication level beyond what you've experienced before!
So who knows, maybe God doesnt want you to get comfortable with the level you have Him at, maybe He wants you to be more creative/more courageous/more willing to get out of your comfort zone so that He can take you to the next level in Him!
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Ahhhh, like a stepping out of the box thing, huh? :)
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@Nadia Ann: I feel sometimes like you feel Girl! Thank You so Much for posting this. You just released my feelings and I thought for sure that I was the only one in the world feeling like this. Its good to know that someone you don't even know is experiencing the same thing
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@Aujsha: Thank you too for this good advice. I didnt know what to do either. I too like Nadia Ann never wants God to feel that I don't trust him or love him. So this "Stepping Outside the Box Thing!" is well worth doing. Thank You Both!
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Wow, I def know what you're talking about anf my response will probably be a bit different from others. But for me, I realize a couple of things.
1) if you feel up & down it may actually be based on your daily encounters with others you need to be praying/interceeding for. God will use those emotions when you are an intercessor
2) Our relationship with God evolves, just look at Job or Jonah. They were believers even thoug they'd be mad or even frustrated with God not being there like they wanted Him too. Trust God working on us in those difficult times, even when we don't feel as if He is near or we are not near to Him. It's just a feeling! We don't have to feel to know that God is at work in our lives, we just need to BELIEVE.
3) When we are going through of course our fire is strong. But there are seasons in our walk with God. Especially when one is new to Christ, the fire is strong and everything--including a relationship with Him seems easy. His voice is clear, prayers are vibrant, praise off the chain. We should always strive to our first love experience but it's the processs God is concerned about. We will always feel short! Trust and believe if God is still using you, you alright! God will send a fresh annointing your way just keep asking for it. Until then pray that He will supply your daily bread!
God Bless you Sis
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Shanelle Byrant:
Your post, ESPECIALLY the first point, hit home with me. It had been confirmed that God has indeed called me to be an intercessor. You know Tuesday, I did a spiritual inventory, and I found 46 feelings/spirits that I've been feeling. And guess when this "despair" started? When I started going to the local university to use the computer lab; and the students started coming back.
There would be some days that my heart is burdened so much that I can't even speak, like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. It feels like I want to cry but I can't. Like I can't even breathe. Like depression is swallowing me or something. It seems like when I want to pray or read my word I can't. Like something is stopping me. It's really weird.
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I def can relate which is which is how I made the connection! You just have to pray through it and use those feelings---if need be--to connect with those you encounter.
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Hey sis.
First off, everything that you just mentioned that you want, bring it to God, tell Him that. Then ask Him to help you attain it.
Second, life is a series of mountains and valleys, always. You are not always going to be on the mountaintop where the Fire is high and the Spirit is felt with ease. There will be times when you are in the darkness of the valley, where you can't see God, you can't feel Him, and you don't have a desire to press through. But it's not about feelings. It's never about feelings. I am also an intercessor and prayer warrior. God calls on me, out of my sleep, pretty much every morning anywhere from 2 a.m. to 6 a.m. I'm a college student. I have to be up early and I go to bed late. And sometimes when He wakes me up, I'm not able to go back to sleep. I don't always feel like getting up, there are times when my body is crying out for me to stay in the bed. BUT when God called me, I said "yes, Lord, I'll go". My life is not my own for me to pick and choose what I will and will not do for Him. He gave His life for me, how dare I try to keep mine to myself. I told the Lord that I wanted to be like Abraham. He was willing to give his only son; willing to kill his only son. God never meant for him to kill his son, but he wanted to see the depths of his heart and how much Abraham really loved him. He passed the test and was rewarded beyond measure. If your pour yourself out to God, He will pour Himself back into you. He will put His fire within you and you will run on for Him like never before.
Lastly, spend time with God. Get in His Word, study His truth. The more you do, the more you will want to. The less you do, the less you will want to. Make it a habit to read your bible daily, talk and pray to God all day long, and make time to actually study His Word and the truths that are hidden within it.
I am so sorry this was so long, I never meant for it to be; but I hope something that you read here blessed you. If you need any more help with anything, feel free to contact me.
xo, Rita
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Rita, when God first called you out as an intercessor/prayer warrior what was that like? I mean all I remember asking God once was that I wanted to help others and I got tired of people dying and things. And POOF! All of a sudden it was confirmed that God has called me to be a prayer warrior. But I don't know where to start.
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